I've been working like crazy and now I'm way late but I thought I'd throw some random tidbits out there having now made it through the first number of years with a couple of kids!
Birth related things (acknowledging I have no clue what your birth plans are and you definitely should just do you). My wife and I tried to do a homebirth the first time and a birth center birth the second time (as a result of an unwanted c-section the first time). Both times ended up with us getting sucked into the the medical system, which was what we were trying to avoid, with the second time ending with a week stuck in the NICU totally unnecessarily.
Takeaways:
Don't rush labor. Seriously, don't have one slight contraction then rush to hospital or start trying to drive through to delivery. Especially the first time around when you realize you are starting to labor there is the feeling of a need for action, but, in our experience, it wasn't time to act it was time to relax! Even with our homebirth, the midwife immediately pretty well started the clock of time pressure with a if it doesn't happen in xx hours time to go to the hospital, introducing a vast amount of unnecessary stress. Progression of labor varies wildly depending on the individual. We now know, in our case, that my wife is likely to take 2 or 3 days from first contractions to really getting down to actually birthing the baby. So, since birthing a baby is a lot of work, it is best to just take it easy and laze around for most of that labor. Sleep if you can, have your husband massage you, do whatever it is you need to do to be well rested when the real work starts.
Have a plan for if your birth doesn't go the way it's planned! PACE model that stuff, it's too important not to. Know what you and your husband will do in different scenarios so you're not trying to make it up as you go.
As the poster above commented, pre-prepping some easy meals can be a huge boon, we have done this with both our kids and really were happy to have done so.
As for visiting people, going out with baby, doing stuff generally, my advice would be just do whatever you feel like suits you and don't feel guilty about. If baby is close to mom, can eat when hungry, isn't too cold/hot/wet baby don't care! Newborns in a lot of ways are the easiest, you meet their basic needs and they don't complain much.
My wife definitely found co-sleeping for the first six months or so to be the best. She breastfed our kids and didn't like pumping. While co-sleeping mom and baby would pretty quickly get into a routine where baby would wake up hungry, would snuzzle into mom, mom would halfway wake up, help baby to her nipple and baby would happily suckle away until she drifted off back to sleep. This stage was actually easier for us than later when we moved them out into a different room.
We definitely did put kids into a separate room after about six months. The transition sucked. It also helped my wife a lot to be able to sleep better which helped her handle mothering better.
Something that helped, at six months we started feeding our kids real food in earnest. We never did baby food at all, even before they were eating regular food we'd sit them at the table with us while eating. When they started demanding food (and they did!) we just would feed them small bites of whatever we were eating. Two things with our kids that, I believe, are tied to this first, our kids are not picky and second, our kids don't choke all the time like other kids seem to, in fact they never seem to choke on anything.
As for pediatricians and doctors appointments, I can give you no advice because I am not a medical professional! That being said, in our case, if we have another kid and things go as planned, that kid will be born at home and we will not take them to a doctor, period. The early childhood appointments are a complete waste of time, in my opinion. Unless you have a specific identifiable concern, there's no point in taking your kid to the doctor. Just my opinion!
We never baby talked to our kids, we just started talking to them normally pretty much from the start. Both my kids speak at a level that is significantly advanced in terms of clarity, composition, and enunciation than a whole lot of kids their age we interact with. I'm also always a bit amused when my five year old just tosses out some collegiate level term in casual conversation and uses it appropriately!
Other tidbits.
It's easy to get obsessed with your kids, I feel like modern parenting is awful in this way. Your life will irrevocably change with kids and, in some ways, it is unavoidable that your life starts to revolve around them. Having acknowledged that though, don't forget that you are also a woman, wife and whatever else and not just a mother. Finding that balance can be ridiculously hard but is extremely important (the same goes for your husband). I think part of what is SO difficult is that raising kids is a team sport. In the past, the work would be divided between your extended family with other women sharing the burden that led to an economy of labor. You also probably had access to your grandmother/ great aunt or whomever who had 50 years of accumulated experience to help guide you. This is missing for most people in our modern lifestyles.
My last piece of advice is to just relax and do your best, you will inevitably screw up parenting as you go, just learn from your mistakes and move on, it is a skill and it takes practice to build.
no subject
I've been working like crazy and now I'm way late but I thought I'd throw some random tidbits out there having now made it through the first number of years with a couple of kids!
Birth related things (acknowledging I have no clue what your birth plans are and you definitely should just do you). My wife and I tried to do a homebirth the first time and a birth center birth the second time (as a result of an unwanted c-section the first time). Both times ended up with us getting sucked into the the medical system, which was what we were trying to avoid, with the second time ending with a week stuck in the NICU totally unnecessarily.
Takeaways:
Don't rush labor. Seriously, don't have one slight contraction then rush to hospital or start trying to drive through to delivery. Especially the first time around when you realize you are starting to labor there is the feeling of a need for action, but, in our experience, it wasn't time to act it was time to relax! Even with our homebirth, the midwife immediately pretty well started the clock of time pressure with a if it doesn't happen in xx hours time to go to the hospital, introducing a vast amount of unnecessary stress. Progression of labor varies wildly depending on the individual. We now know, in our case, that my wife is likely to take 2 or 3 days from first contractions to really getting down to actually birthing the baby. So, since birthing a baby is a lot of work, it is best to just take it easy and laze around for most of that labor. Sleep if you can, have your husband massage you, do whatever it is you need to do to be well rested when the real work starts.
Have a plan for if your birth doesn't go the way it's planned! PACE model that stuff, it's too important not to. Know what you and your husband will do in different scenarios so you're not trying to make it up as you go.
As the poster above commented, pre-prepping some easy meals can be a huge boon, we have done this with both our kids and really were happy to have done so.
As for visiting people, going out with baby, doing stuff generally, my advice would be just do whatever you feel like suits you and don't feel guilty about. If baby is close to mom, can eat when hungry, isn't too cold/hot/wet baby don't care! Newborns in a lot of ways are the easiest, you meet their basic needs and they don't complain much.
My wife definitely found co-sleeping for the first six months or so to be the best. She breastfed our kids and didn't like pumping. While co-sleeping mom and baby would pretty quickly get into a routine where baby would wake up hungry, would snuzzle into mom, mom would halfway wake up, help baby to her nipple and baby would happily suckle away until she drifted off back to sleep. This stage was actually easier for us than later when we moved them out into a different room.
We definitely did put kids into a separate room after about six months. The transition sucked. It also helped my wife a lot to be able to sleep better which helped her handle mothering better.
Something that helped, at six months we started feeding our kids real food in earnest. We never did baby food at all, even before they were eating regular food we'd sit them at the table with us while eating. When they started demanding food (and they did!) we just would feed them small bites of whatever we were eating. Two things with our kids that, I believe, are tied to this first, our kids are not picky and second, our kids don't choke all the time like other kids seem to, in fact they never seem to choke on anything.
As for pediatricians and doctors appointments, I can give you no advice because I am not a medical professional! That being said, in our case, if we have another kid and things go as planned, that kid will be born at home and we will not take them to a doctor, period. The early childhood appointments are a complete waste of time, in my opinion. Unless you have a specific identifiable concern, there's no point in taking your kid to the doctor. Just my opinion!
We never baby talked to our kids, we just started talking to them normally pretty much from the start. Both my kids speak at a level that is significantly advanced in terms of clarity, composition, and enunciation than a whole lot of kids their age we interact with. I'm also always a bit amused when my five year old just tosses out some collegiate level term in casual conversation and uses it appropriately!
Other tidbits.
It's easy to get obsessed with your kids, I feel like modern parenting is awful in this way. Your life will irrevocably change with kids and, in some ways, it is unavoidable that your life starts to revolve around them. Having acknowledged that though, don't forget that you are also a woman, wife and whatever else and not just a mother. Finding that balance can be ridiculously hard but is extremely important (the same goes for your husband). I think part of what is SO difficult is that raising kids is a team sport. In the past, the work would be divided between your extended family with other women sharing the burden that led to an economy of labor. You also probably had access to your grandmother/ great aunt or whomever who had 50 years of accumulated experience to help guide you. This is missing for most people in our modern lifestyles.
My last piece of advice is to just relax and do your best, you will inevitably screw up parenting as you go, just learn from your mistakes and move on, it is a skill and it takes practice to build.
Best wishes for you, your husband and baby!
HV